Needle Biopsy

Friday, August 30, 2002 8PM
We arrived at the hospital at 10:15AM. I was prepped with an I.V of something called Verced, a derrivitive of Vallium. Dr. P__ did two needle biopsies. I stayed in recovery until 3PM. I am down today. Tired of talking about it, tired of not knowing. I wish I knew what I am supposed to fight.
I told R. that I feel like just reaching in and ripping it out of me-that there is this evil, foreign entity in my body. I have been invaded.
Rob has been keeping an eye on my bandages and asking about my status-it feels really good to have him right here with me.
I have reconciled this as the best thing-that, statistically, it was bound to happen to someone in our family and I am glad it was me. I can handle this- and I could not deal with Rob, or the girls, or anyone else being sick.

Love the Verced. I was tired and scared during the drive down but during the biopsy I am calm and euphoric. It is the M__show. All M__, all the time. I have Dr. P__ and the nurses laughing. I put on such a good show. Look how strong she is, they think. I see my character acting in the made for TV movie of my life. A role of lifetime. But already I am tired of it.